Category Archives: Dating and Allergies

A Night at the Movies with Allergies

Stage
Here are my top six tips:

  • Bring your own snacks. Generally, this practice is frowned upon. Concessions at the theatre help greatly to generate income for all parties involved at the movies. However, if you have severe allergies to numerous items, this is probably the best option for you to consider.
  • Ask questions. If you do want to try theatre popcorn, or other snacks, be sure to ask questions about food preparation. Ask, for example, what kind of oil the venue uses. Ask if they have separate fryers for various food items. If someone appears unsure about an answer, always double-check with the manager. Or just order something else. It is better to be safe than sorry!
  • Check ingredient labels. Some snacks at the movies come pre-packaged. Even if it is an item that you’ve had numerous times, just re-read the ingredients as a safety measure. If you are having a hard time seeing in the dark, use your cell-phone for light. Better yet, check it before you even get into the theatre.
  • Be an advocate for yourself. If someone decides to sit right next to you. with your top allergen, speak-up. It is okay to voice your concerns to someone in a polite manner. Usually people will be willing to move or come-up with an agreeable solution. This has happened to me a few times. Generally, I will move to find another spot if I feel uncomfortable around a stranger eating my allergen. This rule can apply to friends and family also!
  • Handy to have hand-sanitizer/disinfectant wipes. If you’re worried about cross-contamination on the seats and cup holders, wipe them down as soon as you pick your seats.
  • Carry your auto-injector. Have it on you and be prepared to use it. If someone is with you, make sure they know how to use it if necessary.

How do you stay safe at the movies with your allergies?

Nicole K.

Guest Post – Taylor – Dating with Allergies

Enjoying each other's companyMy name is Taylor and I am a second year student studying Commerce at Queen’s University. I have serious allergies to peanuts, nuts, and fish. I am lucky that I have never suffered an anaphylactic reaction (or, as a result, had to be injected with my auto-injector).

In August 2012, I started dating my first boyfriend. We had been close friends prior. So he understood the severity of my allergies. I still needed to inform him that he could not eat any of the foods that I was allergic to on a day that he was planning to kiss me. In the beginning of our relationship, this took some getting used to because he loved to eat nuts and fish.

Growing up, I always thought that dating would be extremely difficult because of my allergies. I remember reading stories about the difficulties that teenagers experienced when dating. For example, I recall reading about a girl who was allergic to nuts. She saw the boy that she liked take a handful of almonds. If she had not seen him do so, she would have kissed him that night and would have potentially had an anaphylactic reaction.

Having experienced a relationship has taught me that dating with allergies is not as hard as I once anticipated. Yes, it is more difficult for me than for a person without allergies. But it is something that can be overcome. My boyfriend grew to learn how careful he needed to be with food when he was seeing me. He did not completely eliminate my allergens from his diet. But he would not eat foods that contained them when we had plans to get together. He was very respectful when we went out for dinner because he knew that I was selective when choosing a restaurant. When I went to his house for family dinners, I also needed to be very careful that his mother did not cook any food with my allergens. She was very respectful and careful when cooking. I appreciated that she took the time to ensure that I could partake in meals with the family!

Overall I realize that, although dating with allergies can be more difficult for me than for others, my allergies will not hold me back. I will inform all future boyfriends about the precautions to take regarding food and I am hopeful that they will respect my allergies.

Taylor R.

Guest Post: His and Hers–Philip and Barbra

romantic walkWe all have different ways to deal with our allergies and to, specifically, deal with the challenges that allergies can create when we are dating or in a long-term relationship. The following story details what has worked for a couple living within this context and has some insights about what works for them and what does not. You, as someone with allergies or dating someone with allergies, must decide what is practical for you and what makes you feel and stay safe.

HIS:

My name is Philip Parry. I’m a schoolteacher, a musician, a marathoner, a boyfriend and, yes, an adult at risk for anaphylaxis to peanuts, peas, lentils, chickpeas, and soy protein. Truth be told, as I child, I never really identified as someone with allergies. I grew up in a household with two other siblings with their own sets of allergies; so all of the food passing through the house was guaranteed to be safe. My school was early to adopt an allergy-safe policy and my two best friends had their own unique food needs (diabetes and lactose intolerance respectively). Surrounded by informed and caring people, I managed to make it to my late teens with minimal participation on my part.

The first real challenge set in when I left home to study music in another city. Suddenly I was responsible for deciding upon all of the food that went into my mouth. My first run-in with allergies happened on my 19th birthday during an impromptu and inebriated game of capture-the-flag on campus. My roommate had just returned from a visit with his grandmother and had brought back some of her secret recipe chocolate chip cookies. After a few catch-up drinks, my roommate was slurring his way through an invitation to try said cookies. Being a well-trained allergy kid, I piped in with the obligatory “are there peanuts in here?” The second he said “I don’t think so” my party-fuelled munchies kicked in and I managed to scarf down an entire cookie while simultaneously thinking about the interesting flavour I wasn’t used to. It only took a few seconds for the two of us to realize that grandma’s cookies, although containing no whole peanuts, might have a certain secret ingredient… peanut butter. After a grueling night spent in the hospital (and a missed capture-the-flag opportunity!) I learned a few things. First, be careful of drinking and snacking! This is one thing they don’t teach you as a kid. Allergies don’t take the night off; so you can’t either. In addition, asking “the question” isn’t always enough. Many people are inexperienced in dealing with food allergies and aren’t used to thinking about food as its component parts or thinking about cross contamination between food items.

The most interesting and complicated issue to arise from being an adult with allergies has without a doubt come from the world of dating and relationships–as if that weren’t complicated enough already! It started out simply. A girlfriend of mine in high school loved peanut butter sandwiches and would have them for lunch more often than not. By this point, I’d already heard that a common cause of reactions was from contact with a significant other. So I got into the habit of asking her every day whether or not she was lethal. If she was, we’d have to wait until the next day before we could kiss.

Taking someone out on a date brings its own set of problems because it leaves you with one of two options. Option A is to go somewhere familiar or well researched. If you’re careful, you can take a date somewhere that has been vetted in advance. This usually works well so long as her favourite food isn’t Thai, Indian, Ethiopian or Mediterranean, and the place isn’t full, overpriced or hard to get to. Option A works if you aren’t concerned about being spontaneous or adventurous when going on dates. Option B is the guess-and-check method. In this scenario, you walk into a restaurant with your date and start asking a long series of food preparation related questions. This option works fine so long as you’re prepared to spend more time talking to the server, chef, and manager than to your date. And this is only if the first restaurant is able to accommodate you. Be prepared to try a few places before someone is willing to risk feeding a ticking time-bomb. In either case, you’ll end up feeling guilty for making a simple meal into a complicated mission.

I was fortunate enough to find someone who was able to tolerate my food allergy shenanigans (and my personality); but being in a long-term relationship as an adult with allergies has also been a rocky road—no pun intended. In our house, peanuts are a straight up ‘no-go’ (I’m particularly sensitive to them). And I constantly feel guilty taking away one of her favourite treats. We keep other legumes (to which I’m allergic) around as a staple protein source because, of course, she’s a vegetarian and, like me, a protein-hungry marathon runner. This generally leads to making separate meals for both of us to get the protein we need. It’s not only difficult. It is extremely time consuming. It takes a careful mix of compromise, advance planning, cautious food preparation, and Tupperware in the freezer to make things work. Even though we somehow always find a way to feed ourselves, it hasn’t been easy. And it hasn’t gone flawlessly. Did I mention that all vegetarian protein powders are basically made with peanuts or peas? Barbra making a Vega smoothie means I have to run and take cover.

The first time I had an allergic reaction while I was with Barbra was agonizing–both physically and emotionally. Having a reaction makes you feel stupid and guilty to begin with because, in retrospect, you can usually figure out the mistake you made to land yourself in the hospital. Now add onto that the fact that you have to make a phone call in the middle of the day to tell someone you love that you put yourself there–a call that you know will make them scared, worried, and stressed-out. In the best-case scenario, they are able to make it to the hospital and sit with you while you turn purple, break out in hives, and gasp for breath right in front of their eyes. This is what happened in my case and I’ve been told it’s a very traumatic experience. If she hadn’t been able to get out of work or class, she would have had to sit and writhe in her seat for hours wondering if I were suffering or recovering. In either case, it’s not a fate I would wish upon anybody.

Despite all of the challenges, I’ve managed to keep a positive attitude and look for the silver lining that comes with being an adult with allergies.  Having discovered early on that food made by other people, no matter how well intentioned, is a potential hazard, I was forced to cook exciting meals for myself and for others–not a bad date idea in itself. For a music student, struggling to pay tuition, this proved to be an invaluable skill. As a person concerned about healthy eating, having allergies has been a very useful status to invoke for both me and Barbra when being offered junk food at a social event that might otherwise be rude to refuse.

When it comes to being in a relationship as an adult with allergies, the best piece of advice that I can offer is to have fun with it. Take some time to look up the best restaurants or specialty food spots in your area and make an adventure date out of it. Look up recipes for foods you love to eat and make a game out of perfecting your own allergen-free versions at home. The more you do things like this, the more you and make your partner feel like allergies are less of an inconvenient problem and more like an interesting quirk.

HERS:

Wow…Philip writes a lot. My name is Barbra Lica and I’m a Jazz singer-songwriter as well as Philip’s frustrated but understanding girlfriend. I must say, I don’t have nearly as much to write as him because food allergies are only a five (six?) year old sport to me. Before Philip, my ultra Eastern-European-pride household consisted of the following people: those who think food allergies are a myth, those who think food allergies are curable with prolonged and consistent exposure, and those who think it’s one of those things that happens if you don’t breastfeed enough. And only North Americans don’t breastfeed enough I’m told. I even had a family friend warn me about the dangers of having children with this boy. “Date him, love him–no babies!” Of course, I don’t take any of that to heart. Philip has a zillion great things to pass on to babies. I mean, we’re still not having any in the foreseeable future; but his allergies certainly aren’t the reason why.

Anyway, I won’t lie, there were many difficulties at first. I love food. I eat every emotion I ever have and, to top it off, I’m a vegetarian with marathon training on the docket. So I basically need the foods that kill Phil as a protein source. It still meant giving certain foods up entirely because they’re too difficult to keep contained (peanut butter) or, alternatively, eating them away from the house followed by a paranoid clothes-removal and wash-down. I’ve gone so far as rinsing my mouth out with soap! Even with all that effort on my part, the Philip I met in University was a very reckless fellow who insisted on eating the free unlabeled intermission food at every music recital the Faculty of Music had to offer. The first time I saw him have an attack, I was horrified. Truthfully, the image is seared into my brain and I cried so hard I think it’s part of the reason he’s more careful now. But you can be as careful as you like and still have accidents. I remember one time we called a restaurant I liked before going there to ask about peanuts; and they said it was no problem. We confirmed this again when we got there. As we rushed out of the restaurant to the hospital, I remember hearing “No peanuts! Peanut butter only!” Safe to say, I no longer like that restaurant. So here I am, several years later, and do I miss Peanut Butter & Jam sandwiches? You betcha! But they’re that much tastier when I go out of town for a gig. We also cook at home together a lot more these days and it always turns into a fun date where we’ll put on nice music and cook up about 5 dishes in one night that are allergen-free and easily freezable. I’ll even put chickpeas in my salad because they’re easy to keep in a jar in the fridge and pour directly on my salad as an add-on without hurting Philip. So yes, I worry about crazy, reckless Philip quite a lot and, sometimes, I’m even the culprit when it comes to feeding his chocolate addiction–he’ll stare in the window of a chocolate shop with big puppy eyes right next to the sign that advertises special edition peanut truffles and I’ll be all “maybe those ones didn’t come in contact with the peanut ones.” But, all in all, we’ve found a routine and I’m just used to it. After all, nobody ever said anything against JAM sandwiches!! JAM!! So…I might have an issue with Jam….don’t look in my fridge…

Check out Barbra’s song and music video at the link below!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWjygxbQbQY&feature=youtu.be

Always Packing: Carrying Your Auto-Injector  

Live_Main Auto Injector

It all started with a fanny-pack. It was a bright blue, yellow zippered, Tigger-themed fanny-pack to be exact. From the time I was five, to about twelve years old, this was the most important accessory I had. Why? It was the vehicle for carrying my auto-injector (my safety net and my security blanket).  Back in the 90’s, my bright blue fanny-pack was my ‘go-to’ item; but I quickly outgrew it and needed to find some other way to carry my auto-injector. Luckily, being a girl, I would eventually grow into carrying a purse with me everywhere. But, during my high school days, I hit those awkward preteen/ teen years. I was too young to carry a purse and too old for a fanny pack. I no longer had a permanent desk to put it in or one specific teacher to hold onto it for me. My locker was too far away and I wasn’t allowed to take a book bag with me everywhere. I needed to find another option to discretely and effectively transport my auto-injector while in school. Lucky for me, I had access to many carriers and tricks to help conceal my auto injector and keep it on me at all times.

I purchased a much smaller, stylish black case that I was able to put in my pencil case. But I also made sure I had one in my book bag in my locker at all times. Getting through those high school years was tough. Most people yearn to fit in. And I was much the same. So I refrained from telling many people about my auto-injector in my pencil case. The people I made aware were my teachers and a few close friends. Now I realize the importance of telling people about the location of my auto-injector and how to use it in case of an emergency.

As I grew up, I became more comfortable with my auto-injector and with my food allergies. I was able to find new ways to carry it around discretely. Being a girl, I was lucky to have the excuse of always having a purse with me. The problem I soon arrived at involved different sized purses and singular-sized auto-injectors. From small little clutches to extremely large purses, I was either fighting to find it or struggling to put it in. Luckily I’ve found a few tricks and discovered, through my male friends, that they also had some unique and creative ways to carry around their auto-injectors.  For me, I’ve always felt it is easier to carry my auto-injector in the side pocket of my purse. It’s easy to grab if there is an emergency and it’s easy to find if I can’t tell someone. There will be no more routing around in the deep caverns of my purse. With the new advancements in auto-injectors, it’s easier to carry them in pant pockets or in those pesky little clutches and purses I mentioned earlier. Some new auto-injectors are as small as a business card with a little width. They can be easily placed in most little bags. As for my male counterparts, carrying an auto-injector can be a little trickier as far as not drawing major attention. One the best ways I’ve seen them carried is in an ankle holster (a lá James Bond) that fits neatly under most pants. Those new auto-injectors I mentioned above are smaller and able to fit in most pockets discretely. There is also many companies offering carrying cases for various activities like belts for outdoor/upbeat activities from Waist Buddy (http://www.omaxcare.com/WaistBuddy.html) or the versatile brand Allergy Pack ( http://www.allergypack.com/) that offer many different styles to carry one or multiple auto-injectors. They even make carrying cases for asthma inhalers.

It doesn’t matter what you’re wearing, what kind of purse you’re sporting or what pants you may be in. It is always important to have your auto-injector with you when you go out.  It can be cumbersome and it can be awkward; but nothing is worse than needing it in an emergency and not having it. So remember to keep it with you. Tell someone you have it with you and where it is located. Think of it as the best and most practical fashion accessory you have; it also just so happens to go with any outfit.

Arianne K.

 

Dating and Allergies – A Practical Approach

To_The_Sea_We_Went_(3961508567)

In two weeks, my partner and I will be celebrating our 3 year anniversary! Being in a serious, long-term relationship, I no longer worry as much about my allergies when I am with him. When we go out to the restaurant, he’s also watching the kitchen staff and wondering whether or not the waiter/waitress truly understands how serious my allergies are. He’s always got my back! When we are planning “date night,” we call restaurants ahead of time or make plans that don’t revolve around eating out.

Dating with food allergies can seem terrifying for many people. When I was a teenager, I outright refused to date because I was too scared of trusting a boy with my life. I felt that waiting until I met someone I thought I could trust, and who completely understood the severity of my allergies, was the right thing for me to do. I always took out my auto-injector on the first date and explained how it worked, when I would need it, etcetera. Doing this made me feel safer. Having said that, everyone is different. Dating is supposed to be fun and you should therefore do things you feel safe doing.

Talking about food allergies and the auto-injector:

Explaining your allergies, the severity of them, and showing dates how to use your (epinephrine) auto-injector is very important. It is ultimately up to you as to when you want to talk to them about it and show someone you are dating your injector. Personally I feel that, because food allergies are life-threatening, it is extremely important that others know right away what “the deal” is. This is not intended to scare them; but it is intended to show them that you are confident with your allergies, know how to manage them, and that you know what to do if something were to happen. Most people will feel better knowing what to do if something were to happen (especially if you reassure them that you take extra precautions and know how to manage them).

What to do on a date:

If you have food allergies, or perhaps your girlfriend or boyfriend has food allergies, you might be wondering what to do on a date. How do you make the date safe? Here are a few ideas. Not included below is the obvious food date (breakfast, lunch or dinner). If you are going to meet for food, then make sure you go to a place you feel safe. If you feel like trying a new place, call them ahead of time and make sure you feel safe with their menu and their precautions with your allergies.

  • Picnic – Bring safe food and spend the afternoon at the park, by the lake, or on the beach
  • Tea/coffee- Tea/coffee dates are always fun. Try new cafes in the area!
  • Mini-Golf – Who doesn’t like mini-golf! J
  • Go-karts – Speed! And no food! Or you could always bring your own snacks.
  • Wine tasting – Another fun one. You could always bring a few safe snacks for yourself.
  • Bike rides – You could even head for a picnic! Or go for a nice ride together. Maybe even rent a tandem bike for fun!
  • Aquariums, Museums, Art Galleries.

There are so many things you could do without even going to a restaurant or getting food. Get creative. Rent a canoe or a paddle board and get out on the water! There are a lot of safe choices out there! Don’t let your allergies impact the fun you have on your dates! If he/she really likes you, your food allergies won’t stand in the way of that! Be yourself. Make the date a safe one so you don’t have to stress about having a reaction and can relax and enjoy the time with your date.

Erika