Tag Archives: Allergies and the Buddy System

Dating and Allergies – A Practical Approach

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In two weeks, my partner and I will be celebrating our 3 year anniversary! Being in a serious, long-term relationship, I no longer worry as much about my allergies when I am with him. When we go out to the restaurant, he’s also watching the kitchen staff and wondering whether or not the waiter/waitress truly understands how serious my allergies are. He’s always got my back! When we are planning “date night,” we call restaurants ahead of time or make plans that don’t revolve around eating out.

Dating with food allergies can seem terrifying for many people. When I was a teenager, I outright refused to date because I was too scared of trusting a boy with my life. I felt that waiting until I met someone I thought I could trust, and who completely understood the severity of my allergies, was the right thing for me to do. I always took out my auto-injector on the first date and explained how it worked, when I would need it, etcetera. Doing this made me feel safer. Having said that, everyone is different. Dating is supposed to be fun and you should therefore do things you feel safe doing.

Talking about food allergies and the auto-injector:

Explaining your allergies, the severity of them, and showing dates how to use your (epinephrine) auto-injector is very important. It is ultimately up to you as to when you want to talk to them about it and show someone you are dating your injector. Personally I feel that, because food allergies are life-threatening, it is extremely important that others know right away what “the deal” is. This is not intended to scare them; but it is intended to show them that you are confident with your allergies, know how to manage them, and that you know what to do if something were to happen. Most people will feel better knowing what to do if something were to happen (especially if you reassure them that you take extra precautions and know how to manage them).

What to do on a date:

If you have food allergies, or perhaps your girlfriend or boyfriend has food allergies, you might be wondering what to do on a date. How do you make the date safe? Here are a few ideas. Not included below is the obvious food date (breakfast, lunch or dinner). If you are going to meet for food, then make sure you go to a place you feel safe. If you feel like trying a new place, call them ahead of time and make sure you feel safe with their menu and their precautions with your allergies.

  • Picnic – Bring safe food and spend the afternoon at the park, by the lake, or on the beach
  • Tea/coffee- Tea/coffee dates are always fun. Try new cafes in the area!
  • Mini-Golf – Who doesn’t like mini-golf! J
  • Go-karts – Speed! And no food! Or you could always bring your own snacks.
  • Wine tasting – Another fun one. You could always bring a few safe snacks for yourself.
  • Bike rides – You could even head for a picnic! Or go for a nice ride together. Maybe even rent a tandem bike for fun!
  • Aquariums, Museums, Art Galleries.

There are so many things you could do without even going to a restaurant or getting food. Get creative. Rent a canoe or a paddle board and get out on the water! There are a lot of safe choices out there! Don’t let your allergies impact the fun you have on your dates! If he/she really likes you, your food allergies won’t stand in the way of that! Be yourself. Make the date a safe one so you don’t have to stress about having a reaction and can relax and enjoy the time with your date.

Erika

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A Wolf-Pack Mentality: The Buddy System and your Allergies

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When it comes to growing up with a severe food allergy, or even growing into one like I did, an important thing to remember is that you don’t always have to do everything yourself. Over the years, I’ve inadvertently learned to use a buddy system with my peanut and tree nut allergies. I never formally decided it would be a good idea. It just sort of happened and, since it works so well for me, I thought I’d share my experiences with you.

When I was diagnosed with my allergies at the age of nine, I felt pretty helpless. Many foods I once enjoyed were now off limits. I was nervous about eating at friends’ houses or at birthday parties. However, as I (and my mother, who deserves much of the credit) educated my friends about how to manage the risks involved with food allergies, they seemed to absorb the information and promote it. My close group of friends growing up soon became my first-line of defence against potentially dangerous allergy situations. They were always the first to mention the severity of my allergies at restaurants. I never asked them to do this and I always mention my allergies when I go out even if no one else does; but they cared about my well-being and wanted to look out for me. To quote The Hangover movie, we became a “wolf-pack.” And, whenever one of my friends was around, I knew they would look out for me. They were all shown how to properly administer an auto-injector, knew where mine was located, and knew the signs and symptoms of anaphylaxis. So my wolf-pack was always ready to jump in if I ever had a reaction (which, thankfully, I still haven’t had yet)! If you’re not convinced about the buddy system, let me share a few stories to show you what I mean.

When I was about ten, I was riding the bus to school. One of the students on the bus started to taunt my brother and I about our peanut allergies. As if words weren’t enough, he proceeded to take out a peanut butter sandwich and wave it in our faces. All the while he laughed and teased us. At some point, one of my friends stood up, grabbed the sandwich, and threw it out the window to end the threat. He kept his cool and, when we arrived at school, he was the first to tell the principal what had happened. Needless to say, the bully was suspended and never taunted us again.

Another time, when I was 18, I went to a New Year’s Eve party with my wolf-pack. It was at a friend’s house (whom I wasn’t too close with but knew from school). I knew the host didn’t know about my allergy because I never had the chance to talk to him about it; so I was a little nervous about what snacks would be laid out. When we got there, I was taking in the scene and my best friend popped around the corner with a serious look on his face. He told me not to go into the room he just came out of because there was a big plate of peanuts and cashews. Right after telling me this, he ran upstairs to talk to the host and his parents about my allergy. Minutes later, the plate was removed and the whole room was cleaned with all-purpose cleaner! I really couldn’t believe how accommodating everyone was and how quick my buddy was at managing the peanut risk.

In either of the above examples, I could have managed my allergy on my own; but the point I want to make is that, sometimes, it’s just easier to have a wolf-pack of friends to share the load. It’s a really good feeling when you know someone’s always got your back and is looking out for you. So what do you think? Do you have any wolf-pack experiences you want to share? If you don’t already have a buddy system, do you think it could potentially work for you? Post a comment below and let’s share some stories!

Dylan