Tag Archives: Dating and allergies

Setting the Mood: Letting your Partner know about your Food Allergies

As Valentine’s Day looms closer, it’s easy to fall under the spell of Cupid’s arrow and think of romantic nights out with someone special. Whether it’s your first or tenth date, this time of year sends butterflies fluttering around your stomach, but let’s hope it’s the nerves of a first date and not your food allergies causing a rumble in there. So, when should you tell your significant other or first date about your food allergies? When is the right time to air this tumultuous subject? The answer is as soon as possible, like, do it now… I’ll wait.

There’s no point in stalling till your inches away from your allergen, or second guessing what they ate before you go in for a kiss. Treating your food allergies like a mysterious secret waiting to be unravelled is not a good dating tool. It’s a serious topic that deserves to be mentioned upfront with honesty and confidence. If you’re anything like me, you tend to undervalue your food allergies around new people for fear of how they will react to the little inconveniences it may cause them. It’s a nasty habit I picked up in school; no one wants to be different or stand out, so I brushed off the seriousness of my allergies or neglected to tell people right away. I waited till the absolute last second causing myself serious anxiety from being near my allergens when it could have been avoided. It’s a habit I try to break every day in adulthood but unfortunately it rears its ugly head every so often.

This bad habit of ignoring the seriousness of our food allergies or hiding them under a rug should never carry over into our dating lives. It’s a subject that will inevitably come up, and chances are much like a lump under a rug: it’s going to trip you up, make you fall flat on your face and seriously ruin your day. Picture this, you’re on a date with the greatest person, you’re shy, they’re nervous, and so far, the evening has been wonderful. And then the two of you walk you up to the doors of a beautiful Thai restaurant where your date has made reservations for you. Great! The only problem is you’re extremely allergic to tree nuts, peanuts, and sesame. Uh oh, now you have go through the awkward process of telling them about your allergies, why you can’t eat there, why you didn’t tell them beforehand, etc.  To think all this could have been avoid if you were just open and honest about your food allergies.

Be confident and proud of your food allergies! After all, they are a part of you and help make you the amazing person you are! Tell them about your food allergies, how serious they are, where you can eat comfortably and anything else that makes you feel safe. It’s better to be upfront honest with them rather than misguiding in order to appear easy-going or not too picky.  Chances are they’ll understand, listen and heck, even care about your allergies and safety! And if they don’t care or try to help, they’re really not worth dating in the first place, are they? Valentine’s Day can be romantic, fun, exciting, or anything you want it to be. The butterflies in your stomach or nerves at the table should come from harmless first date jitters and attraction, not the food on your plate. Telling new people about your food allergies can be tough and even scary sometimes. But the weight you’ll feel when it’s lifted off your shoulders is immense, and it’ll leave the rest of your evening open to discussing similar interests, sharing candid smiles and enjoying one seriously romantic evening. After all, your allergies are a part of you, and you want someone to love you for who you really are.

-Arianne.K

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Feeling Guilt over an Allergic Reaction

Young shy woman hiding your face-girl covering her face

Having a food allergy and living safely with one requires a lot of special accommodations. Often times, it is hard not to feel bad for others or guilty when your allergy has an impact on their life.

When I was in high school I went on a date to a Greek restaurant with my boyfriend at the time. I love Greek food so I was really excited for our meal. During our appetizers I was a few bites in and knew something didn’t feel right. I wasn’t having any full blown symptoms of an anaphylactic reaction but I could tell that I was having some mild symptoms. To be safe I took an antihistamine and stopped eating the food we were given. As the meal went on I was afraid to eat anymore food in case it would make my symptoms worse. My boyfriend kept asking why I wasn’t eating anything. I was embarrassed and didn’t want to ruin the dinner by telling him about my symptoms so I just lied and said that I wasn’t hungry. I was trying to take the anti histamine without him noticing as I didn’t want to make a big deal about it or have him panic and tell other people which would have made it a huge scene. I could just picture it in my head, telling a staff person, calling the paramedics, using my auto injector – all things I just did not want to go through!

After we arrived home, I was noticeably drowsy from the medication I had taken so I told him what had happened. He told me that there was nothing to feel bad about if I was having any sort of reaction and that I shouldn’t feel guilty or think that I shouldn’t tell anyone. After that scenario happened I have learned that there is no need to feel any guilt or shame when having an allergic reaction. It is so important for your safety to tell others what is happening in case the situation were to escalate and you needed help. People are more understanding than you may think and when your life is at-risk there is no need to feel bad about being an imposition. Others want to help you and make sure you are okay!

Lindsay S.

Explaining My Food Allergies Series: To a Significant Other

Couple having intimate dinner of summer eveningExplaining your allergies to anyone can be a difficult task, especially when faced with a new person you have started dating. Although it might feel uncomfortable or be hard to do, it is really important that your significant other has a good understanding of your allergies and how to help you stay safe.

When I first start to date someone, I try to bring up my allergies as early as possible in a more low key way than making it into a really serious conversation. I find that an easy way to do this is the first time I go out to eat somewhere, I casually mention that I have food allergies and that there are some restrictions as to where I can eat. By doing this, I do not have to bring my allergies up out of the blue. Another advantage of mentioning them this way is that it can ensure that we will be eating somewhere that I know is safe for me.

Typically, I don’t launch into all of the details of my allergies when I first bring it up. Often times the other person will bring it up when we do go out to eat or when we talk next as it is something they have been curious about. This is when I go through the basics of my allergies: what am I allergic to, where I carry my auto injector, and the fact that my allergies are life threatening and something to be taken seriously. I try really hard not to scare the other person as my allergies aren’t something that should intimidate or scare them. The more confident you are in talking about your allergies the more comfortable your significant other will hopefully feel about them.

At some point a little later on, it is important to ensure your significant other knows where you keep your auto injector and how to use it. People are often really interested in seeing an auto injector up close and want to know how it works so this is a great opportunity to have a teaching moment with him or her.

As you continue on in your relationship more aspects of your food allergies will come up naturally. I’ve found that topics such as safety on dates, with drinking, and travelling have been very commonly brought up. As long as you feel safe as your relationship is progressing there is no need to tell your significant other every last detail about your food allergies and how to manage them on the first date. It will be much less overwhelming and easier for them to remember if they learn over time.

Dating someone with a food allergy can be a difficult task! Especially if your allergens are a main component of your significant other’s diet. It is important to remember that this can be a big adjustment for people and it will take time for them to become knowledgeable about how you manage your allergies. Make sure you are always open to answering questions that they might have and be accepting of mistakes that they might make along the way!

If the person you are dating is right for you they will be accommodating and understanding of your allergies!

Lindsay S.

Dating and Allergies – A Practical Approach

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In two weeks, my partner and I will be celebrating our 3 year anniversary! Being in a serious, long-term relationship, I no longer worry as much about my allergies when I am with him. When we go out to the restaurant, he’s also watching the kitchen staff and wondering whether or not the waiter/waitress truly understands how serious my allergies are. He’s always got my back! When we are planning “date night,” we call restaurants ahead of time or make plans that don’t revolve around eating out.

Dating with food allergies can seem terrifying for many people. When I was a teenager, I outright refused to date because I was too scared of trusting a boy with my life. I felt that waiting until I met someone I thought I could trust, and who completely understood the severity of my allergies, was the right thing for me to do. I always took out my auto-injector on the first date and explained how it worked, when I would need it, etcetera. Doing this made me feel safer. Having said that, everyone is different. Dating is supposed to be fun and you should therefore do things you feel safe doing.

Talking about food allergies and the auto-injector:

Explaining your allergies, the severity of them, and showing dates how to use your (epinephrine) auto-injector is very important. It is ultimately up to you as to when you want to talk to them about it and show someone you are dating your injector. Personally I feel that, because food allergies are life-threatening, it is extremely important that others know right away what “the deal” is. This is not intended to scare them; but it is intended to show them that you are confident with your allergies, know how to manage them, and that you know what to do if something were to happen. Most people will feel better knowing what to do if something were to happen (especially if you reassure them that you take extra precautions and know how to manage them).

What to do on a date:

If you have food allergies, or perhaps your girlfriend or boyfriend has food allergies, you might be wondering what to do on a date. How do you make the date safe? Here are a few ideas. Not included below is the obvious food date (breakfast, lunch or dinner). If you are going to meet for food, then make sure you go to a place you feel safe. If you feel like trying a new place, call them ahead of time and make sure you feel safe with their menu and their precautions with your allergies.

  • Picnic – Bring safe food and spend the afternoon at the park, by the lake, or on the beach
  • Tea/coffee- Tea/coffee dates are always fun. Try new cafes in the area!
  • Mini-Golf – Who doesn’t like mini-golf! J
  • Go-karts – Speed! And no food! Or you could always bring your own snacks.
  • Wine tasting – Another fun one. You could always bring a few safe snacks for yourself.
  • Bike rides – You could even head for a picnic! Or go for a nice ride together. Maybe even rent a tandem bike for fun!
  • Aquariums, Museums, Art Galleries.

There are so many things you could do without even going to a restaurant or getting food. Get creative. Rent a canoe or a paddle board and get out on the water! There are a lot of safe choices out there! Don’t let your allergies impact the fun you have on your dates! If he/she really likes you, your food allergies won’t stand in the way of that! Be yourself. Make the date a safe one so you don’t have to stress about having a reaction and can relax and enjoy the time with your date.

Erika